Effective Co-parenting
This is probably one of the most difficult challenges any parent could face – loving the other parent enough to make the children first.
Ivanla Vanzant - inspirational speaker
Journal Entry
Co-parenting is working together. It is sharing skills. Think about your skills. Think about your co-parent’s skills. If you were together for a while, think about what you did well. Then think about what your co-parent did well. If you were not together as parents, think about what you know about your co-parent. Maybe you are the one who would be good at playing with the children. Your co-parent might be better at taking care of the children when they are sick. Maybe one of you will be good at helping with Language Arts homework. The other may have be better helping with math. One of you may like to play sports with the children. The other may like to make music with them.
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What are 2 or 3 things you are good at? What are 2 or 3 things your co-parent is good at?
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Get Ready To Co-parent
It is time to think about setting goals. You might be able to do this with your co-parent. Or you might do this on your own. Here are some steps to follow.
What would you like to try from that video? What was meaningful to you? We will talk more about many of these topics.
Communication
There are special communication issues when you are co-parenting. You need to communicate with your co-parent. A major goal is to focus on information and problem-solving . Try to stay away from feelings. And try to stay away from telling each other what to do.
You might want the other parent to be more involved. You might want to help the other parent feel better about his or her parenting. But it is not your job to manage the other parent. If you try to set things up for the other parent to be more involved, he or she might not like it. It might seem like you are acting like the “chief” parent. It may look like you are making all the decisions. That might make the other parent feel like a helper, not a parent. That can happen even if you are saying nice things about the other parent. It may seem like you are the expert who knows what is good and what is not good. Just try to stay out of the way of the other parent.
Here are some communication hints to use with your co-parent.
There are some topics that you should be sure to include in your communication with your co-parent.
How the children are doing. Talk about their health and their moods.Schoolwork. Talk about assignments. Make sure the children have their schoolwork with them when they go back and forth. Be sure to share with your co-parent if you saw or heard good reports about the children or if you heard concerns.Activities. Talk about lessons, practices, meetings, sleepovers. Make sure at least one parent is at your children’s games or shows. Take turns if you can’t be there at the same time.Schedules. Talk about when the children are expected to be at school or child care. Talk about special events. Talk about when the children last ate and when medicine should be given. (You could consider this sample report form
Another communication decision is how much the children will talk with the parent. Does it help if the children are in touch with other parent when they are staying with you? Or does that make things confusing? Children should not call the other parent to complain. But some children might miss the other parent. Or a child might need to make plans with you while staying with the other parent. Be careful about how much time the children spend talking with the other parent when they are with you (or the other way around). Make sure the children are really spending time with the parent who is caring for them. But don’t build too many walls. It is a problem if the children feel like you are keeping them from loving the other parent.
Journal Entry
Please take a few minutes to answer the following questions:
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What are two things you can do to communicate with your co-parent better?
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