Designing a Parenting Plan
Do you ever think about how your actions reflect on ME?
Sara, 13 years old
Journal Entry
Please take a few minutes to answer the following questions:
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What do you hope will happen when you design your parenting plan? What kind of plan do you think your children would create if they were in charge?
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Child Ages and Parenting Plans
Children of different ages have specific needs. You should consider these needs when you are putting together a parenting plan.
Now look at the guidelines for each age group. Choose those groups that fit your family. Watch the part(s) of the video that fit your children's ages. Move the timing slider to the time that matches the age group you want to watch:
Babies (starting time 00:00),
Toddlers (starting time 00:54),
Preschoolers (starting time: 01:59),
School-age children (starting time: 03:08),
Teenagers (starting time 04:30),
Children with special needs (starting time 05:52),
Multiple children (starting time 07:15)
Money Plans
Money can be a big problem at times of divorce or separation. Maybe you have been together for a long time. It is hard to say what belongs to whom. Or maybe you were together for a very short time. That might make the separation process easier. But there are almost always money problems at this time.
Again, it is good to think about the needs of your children first. Then think about what the whole family needs. Figure out what you have now. Then think about what you will need to take care of your children and yourself.
Note that it can take 30% more money for both you and your co-parent to live the same way you lived before. It is best if both of you make some cuts. Figure out what is really important. Be honest. It is a challenge to find a way to make everything work. It is not a contest to win by beating your co-parent.
Look at the child support guidelines for your state
Maybe you are a resident parent. How can you make these guidelines work for you? Do you need to talk with your co-parent about special issues?
Maybe you are a nonresident parent. You might be paying child support. How will you fit this cost into your budget?
Work on a budget. Know what you are spending now. Know what you need each month. Think about how the budget will change if you pay or receive child support. Remember to start with needs. Then you can think about things that you or the children would want. Maybe talk with your bank or a financial planner. Gather as much information as you can. Then you can talk with a comprehensive mediator or a lawyer. Note that you may have used a mediator for your parenting plan. But maybe you want to use a lawyer to take care of money issues. This might work better if your money issues are complicated. But it is still best if you and your co-parent can come to an agreement.
If you don't have experience with budgets, see the Additional Resources at the end of this unit - there are resources that could help you.
Creating a Formal Parenting Plan
First you might want to look at the laws for your state. This site includes the plans for about half of the states in the U.S. See the Additional Resources at the end of this unit to find out relevant legislation for each state.
Look at your children's pictures again. Think about what kind of life you would like them to have. What would be good for them now?
Parenting Planner
We have created a Parenting Planner that will guide you through six sections of a parenting plan. The six sections are:
Your details—your names and the names of your children and your relationship
Agreements—ground rules for how you and your co-parent will work together
Co-parenting Communication—how often and how the two of you will be in touch with each other
Legal custody/Decision-making—who can legally make which decisions about the child(ren)
Physical custody/Residence/Parenting time—where the child(ren) will stay when
Child Support—who will pay how much and for what
Maybe you get along well with your co-parent. That means that maybe you are Perfect Pals or Cooperative Colleagues. Those kinds of parents might be able to complete this app together. Most others will want to complete the app on their own. When you do that, your co-parent could also complete this app or another parenting plan.
Optional Start Your Parenting Planner:
Parenting planner
Did you complete the Parenting Planner alone? Did your co-parent complete a different plan alone? Maybe you could talk about your differences. The following video gives some suggestions for how to do that. Or maybe you could take your two versions to a mediator, lawyer, or judge. That person could help you create a final plan.
You can come back and use the Parenting Planner to make changes later. That might happen because you decide things need to change things as you children grow and change. Or maybe you or your co-parent has a new partner. The app will be here to help you.
Preparing for Changes
It is hard work to put together a parenting plan. It is hard to decide about money issues. It can feel good when you are done. But your plan probably will not be final. There will be changes. You need to be ready for changes as the children get older. Things will also change with the parents’ jobs and money issues. One or both parents might start a new relationship. All of those things might lead to changes in the parenting plan. Try to make your plan flexible enough that you do not need to go to court with every little change. Keep working together. Ask your mediator or lawyer how to make a plan that will grow with your lives.
Journal Entry
When designing a parenting plan, it is important to put your children's needs first. Write a letter to your children. Explain the ways you are trying to make their life happy and be sure their needs are met in spite of your family situation. Also in the letter, be sure to reassure them of your love for them and that the family's situation is not their fault. When you are done, you can choose to give the letter to your children or keep it to yourself. The choice is yours.
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Letter to my children
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