Children’s Stress
It's not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.
Hans Selye
Journal Entry
Please take a few minutes to answer the following questions:
1. Think about your childhood. What stressors do you remember? Did you have child-sized stressors like fear of the dark, falling out of a tree, or fighting with a brother or sister? Or did you have grown-up stressors like a serious illness, the death of a parent, or being abused? Or did you have some of both?
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How Stressed is Your Child?
In Unit 1 we talked about your stress. It is important for you to manage that stress. But your children might have stress during this time, too. We like to think that children do not have stress. But stress is part of everyone’s life—even children’s.
This video talks about some of the things that might be a problem for children. Make a note of the things that are listed there. What do children care about? Try to find at least 4 things.
What did you see and hear in this video? Did anything surprise you?
How can you know if your child is feeling stressed? Many children cannot tell you how they feel. They are just learning how to talk about these things. So they will probably show you their feelings instead. Look at this list of ways children might show stress. How many apply to your children?
Negative changes in behavior : Children start to get into trouble. They used to be good most of the time, but now they act up a lot. They might get angry with you and yell a lot. They might start arguing with everyone.Feeling sick : Sometimes children get sick. But sometimes they say they feel sick when there are no signs. They might say they have a headache or a tummy-ache. They might have trouble going to sleep or waking up. Maybe it happens on Monday mornings when it is time to go to school. Or maybe it is right before a time to be with the other parent.Acting differently with friends . Sometimes children act normal around the family. But they do strange things with children their age. Maybe something is going on with those friendships.Acting like a younger child . Maybe your child had learned to do new things. But now it seems that he or she forgot those things. Young children may go back to having toileting accidents. Children may start to hang on the parents. Older children might start whining like a young child again. They might be afraid to try new things. Being worried or afraid . The children might be scared more often than before. They might worry about things that were fine before.
Some of these things are normal. But watch for changes. These things might start happening more often when children feel stressed. There could be a sudden change.
Learn more about looking for stress in your children. Look at the Additional Resources section at the end of this unit.
Positive and Negative Stress
One reason it is confusing to “read” stress in children is because all stress is not the same. The next video talks about positive and negative stress.
Why is negative stress bad for children? As we said, we all know that negative stress does not feel good. It can make you nervous and give you headaches. It can make your stomach upset. It can make it hard to sleep. Or maybe you can't get up in the morning and want to sleep all the time. What does it do to kids?
This video talks about what happens when children feel stress. Some of this piece is pretty confusing and uses some fancy words. But try to hear the big ideas. Listen to what happens to the brain. And listen to how stress then can cause problems for children in school.
What are the “bears” in your children’s lives? This video explained how stress can change the way the brain works. It can make it hard for children to learn new things. It can lead to problems in the way they deal with other people.
You are breaking up with your co-parent. That could be a big stressor in your children's lives. What are some of the children’s stressors that might go along with the break-up?
Parents fighting
Being pulled by both parents
Being stuck in the middle
Going to court
Being sad because the parents are sad
Being worried about the parents
Needing to move or go to a new school
Missing a parent.
Earlier in this unit we talked about the ways that children might deal with divorce and separation. We talked about how children of different ages might react. Some of the things we listed were stressors. The particular things that will be stressful for children might depend on their ages. Here are some common stressors for children in different age groups.
Journal Entry
Please take a few minutes to answer the following questions:
1. What are/ might be some stressful events for your children during divorce or separation? Why? How can you help your children to cope with stressful events during divorce or separation?
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